Saving My Life

I don’t recommend moving across states, within the time-frame of the shortest month of the year, when you have an infant. And I know this from personal experience, because this is exactly what we are doing. This apartment may be tiny, but she is well filled, with books and baby things. Normally I absolutely love winter, grey and cold not withstanding.  But this year it’s been really hard, considering the circumstances, and it is easy to feel like I’ll never really fully appreciate this season again.That’s what it is so good to reflect right now on what is keeping us going. (Linkup with Modern Mrs. Darcy)

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Interlude & 1

It just so happens that when your wonderful, beautiful, completely himself child is placed into your arms, everything in your life completely rearranges itself – including your brain. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve sat down to write up something amaaaazing coherent, only to find that I cannot remember my name, or what I was going to do next, or what I want to say. Then, through some trial and error, I remember what I was going to say, and then the next 5 minutes is taken up with searching for the words, only to find myself coming up empty handed.  And of course, by then my little lion man is up, crying for mommy, and it is more than second nature now to gather him up into my arms and kiss the slope of his sweet nose, nuzzle the back of his head where his fluffy ginger hair always makes me smile, and talk to him in a voice so high my pre-baby self would mime gagging.

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SQT | Baby Talk, Drinking Problems and Current Favorites

Linking up with Kelly of  This Ain’t the Lyceum.

1. I realized a few days ago that all along I have been considering October as baby’s birth month, when it is really November (in theory). This is somehow disorienting to me, partly because I’m SO TIRED OF BEING PREGNANT. No, 31 weeks isn’t too early for me to say that. I have the cankles, debilitating pelvic pain, and moodswings to prove it. And on that note, oh my gosh, I can’t wait to meet this little guy. I can’t believe his due date is only 58 days away. I am so excited and soooooo not ready.

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Currently | Waiting

June, you hellion of a month. It’s been a long time since personal, physical, and family stress have matched paces with national catastrophe.  These past few weeks have left me feeling pretty ragged around the edges. It doesn’t help that we are in a sort of holding pattern right now. Waiting to pack, waiting for the nursery to be put together, waiting for job hunting news, waiting for the baby to arrive. Some of the waiting is undeniably joyful. But the rest…the rest is a painful exercise in trust.


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This Is Why

I call it the library daze. Just saying the phrase evokes in my mind the summer heat on my skin, the tension in my legs as I skip or (these days walk) towards the blast of cool air coming from automatic doors, the reassuring smell of air conditioning and paper as I pass by the security scanners and make a beeline for the stack of 25 cent paperbacks. There is always the potential that something is there – maybe the book I have been waiting all of my life to read.  The library has it’s myriad of possibilities as well, but something about the chaos and chance of the used bookshelf always appeals to me first. Then, after a good hour or so of browsing, I checkout.  The hot air hits me as I walk out to the car, for a moment slightly more unbearable than I remember it an hour before. I distract myself by hefting my books closer to me, feeling their weight and unrealistically hoping that each one will be the book I that I enjoy the most. Home, and then next few days, hours, and minutes of leisure I have (usually dictated by whatever age I am at the time) are completely booked.  In every sense of the word.Read More »