It just so happens that when your wonderful, beautiful, completely himself child is placed into your arms, everything in your life completely rearranges itself – including your brain. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve sat down to write up something amaaaazing coherent, only to find that I cannot remember my name, or what I was going to do next, or what I want to say. Then, through some trial and error, I remember what I was going to say, and then the next 5 minutes is taken up with searching for the words, only to find myself coming up empty handed. And of course, by then my little lion man is up, crying for mommy, and it is more than second nature now to gather him up into my arms and kiss the slope of his sweet nose, nuzzle the back of his head where his fluffy ginger hair always makes me smile, and talk to him in a voice so high my pre-baby self would mime gagging.
It has been nearly three months since he was born, and try as I might, that is how things go nearly every time. The other times…well, I lose my patience and fiercly remark to myself that free time was wasted on pre-baby me, but I wouldn’t exchange a moment of it. It does take a toll though, having such a short amount of time within which to wake up my imagination and cut through the clutter of postpartum thought. I am getting better at it though. Faster, even. I’m finding satisfaction in needing to prioritize, and joy in knowing what are the best rituals to jog my rusty memory and sludgy imagination
He sleeps now, and so out of all the things I want to do bouncing about in my head, I’ve picked something both indulgent and beneficial, that I’ve wanted to do since December. I’ve decided to take some time to go through Hello Neverland’s January journal prompts. I came across these at the end of last year and loved how they made me reflect and want to be active at the same time. If I can I’d like to make a habit of doing them daily. I don’t know how much time I’ll be able to spend on each, but I think it’s a worthy effort, so let’s get to it.
(Because I’m 12 days behind, I’ll be doing shorter answers for the first 12, then spending a longer time on the subsequent ones.)
1 – What are you most looking forward to in 2017?
The number one thing would be seeing our son grow into a one year old. Right now our life with him could be described as “URGENT”. It is rare that a moment of the day in which I don’t feel like at any moment he could scream-cry. I’m so looking forward to becoming better parents, knowing him and ourselves better, and seeing his sweet self toddle around.
The second thing is growth, in my personal life and marriage. 2016 was so hard, and I am honestly proud of the way my little family made it through. While I’m dearly hoping and praying that this year is better, I don’t think I will ever want to stop learning about myself, my husband, my son, my family and friends, and the dozens of creative projects I want to undertake in 2017.
Finally, I’m looking forward to getting out in nature more often, building more physical strength, and reading as much as I possibly can.