Saving My Life

I don’t recommend moving across states, within the time-frame of the shortest month of the year, when you have an infant. And I know this from personal experience, because this is exactly what we are doing. This apartment may be tiny, but she is well filled, with books and baby things. Normally I absolutely love winter, grey and cold not withstanding.  But this year it’s been really hard, considering the circumstances, and it is easy to feel like I’ll never really fully appreciate this season again.That’s what it is so good to reflect right now on what is keeping us going. (Linkup with Modern Mrs. Darcy)

Talks & tiny dates with the husband.  The husband and I could probably count on one hand the amount of official dates we’ve been on in the past 6 months. That, coupled with a lot of tiredness and emotional and physical stress on both of our ends can make for one really difficult time and a lot of resentment. And we’ve certainly had our moments. But we’ve learned to appreciate little half hour increments when Lion is napping (this is a new thing) or quiet and make ourselves a cup of tea or coffee. Honestly the drink itself doesn’t do much, but the ritual does. Hands busy, room quiet, both focused on one side of the preparation…it creates a relaxing space, even when surrounded by boxes.

My own spot. Even though I’ll be leaving this place soon, it helped so much to be able to carve out a corner of the office/baby’s room as my own so that feeding Lion would be so much easier.  I know a lot of people do this anyway, but our nursery was faaaaar from ready when Lion was born, and never really turned into a “nursery” anyway.  So it was kind of a big deal for me to decide that, no matter the fact that we were leaving, I needed a space.  And I love it. The world’s comfiest glider holds tissues, water bottles, my phone and tablet, and a book. It is neat and clean and uncluttered, and my brain just naturally wants to reset when I’m there. I wish I could go back and tell teary-eyed confused 3-month-ago Moira that the clutter and confusion would be more manageable, and that her fussy baby would eventually take regular naps and breastfeed like a champ.  Most times.

Naps. Oh my gosh, in terms of actually saving my life here, the fact that my child is napping at regular intervals, and sleeps in his rock-n-play for the majority of the night…it’s bliss. I feel like I can function again, without a migraine in the background.

Ebooks.  I read very slowly, but I appreciate being able to carry part of my library with me while so many of my books are being put in storage. I’m the type of person that always needs to have a new, unread book around, and ebooks + kindle deals are a simple way to indulge myself in that regard.

Planning.  There isn’t all that much stuff that I can actively work at, right now, and that makes me anxious. And there is an awful lot of packing and waiting, and that also tends to make me anxious. Planning is my main outlet, and listmaking is so therapeutic.

My little Lion. I love him so, no matter how sleep deprived we are. He makes me smile in a thousand ways, and his little squeaks and babblings are the highlight of my day.  There isn’t a part of him I don’t love, and I hope he knows it.


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